Monthly Archives: December 2011

Drink, Recover, Drink again! How to Survive the Holidays.

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The period between Christmas and New Year is delightful.  The preference is to nest with family and friends while eating rich food and drinking copiously (although a few masochistic friends attempt meaningful exercise during this period, usually returning to work in January having broken a leg on a ski slope).  There is nothing better during this season than to be in the company of good friends with a bellyful of wine and a fat cigar.

What happens with about a week’s worth of solid drinking is that one has to face up to a week’s worth of mornings-after.  A sure fire hangover cure is required.  The inestimable Kingsley Amis (from whom I have cribbed rather generously) suggested two components to the hangover – the physical hangover and the metaphysical hangover.  One consists of the physical symptoms of overindulging; the headache, nausea and all that.  The other consists of the general sense of blahness one feels after the pounding headache starts to recede.

The only proper cure for a hangover is to start drinking again, as soon as possible.

However, your body and mind may need a bit of working over before you can hit the bottle afresh.  The first challenge is to work on the physical hangover.  The best cure is to wake up next to someone and have vigorous sex – the endorphins will give you both a physical and emotional boost.  However, this assumes you wake up next to someone you should be in bed with.  If this is not the case and you might have a bad conscience about it afterwards then abstain; guilt and shame are a big part of the metaphysical hangover and sex will only exacerbate the situation.  For the same reason do not take the matter into your own hands if you should wake up by yourself.

Shower and shave.  Under no circumstances take a cold shower.  The shock could kill you.  Shaving will help you improve your hand eye coordination and blood letting is a well known cure for illness.  Galen of Pergamon famously believed that blood letting cured “fever, headaches and apoplexy”.  I am not exactly sure what apoplexy is but it seems like a good thing to be rid of.

Do not attempt to eat anything healthy.  It will make you throw up.  Your body is dealing with toxicity and must be gently introduced to solids.  Most diets ban all carbohydrates; potatoes, bread and the like.  I would also ban all fruit and vegetable from the morning after diet.  You never liked it so why eat it when you are feeling particularly shitty anyway? A large steak with fried eggs, perhaps with a few rashers of bacon and a dash of tabasco lays a good foundation.

The drink that accompanies this meal must be a properly made Bloody Mary – the time tested hair of the dog that bit you.  Vodka, tomato juice, worcester sauce, tabasco sauce, freshly ground black pepper, cayenne, celery salt and a few sticks of celery (for garnishing only – do not attempt to eat a vegetable at this stage).  I like to add a generous dollop of fresh horseradish and mix in a cube of beef bouillon.  The beef bouillon adds food value and has the added benefit of keeping your vegetarian great aunt from stealing your potion.  Drink at least a pint of this mix before moving on to the metaphysical cure.

Churchill preferred a brace of cold snipe and a pint of port to cure his hangover

Now at this point I must advice you that there are variants to my morning after diet. Winston Churchill famously had a brace of cold snipe and a pint of port after a hard night’s drinking.  Samuel Taylor Coleridge had a half dozen fried eggs and a glass of laudanum (an alcoholic tincture of opium) and seltzer.  Take your pick.

The metaphysical cure to the hangover – getting rid of blahness means paying attention to your other senses.  Music and movies are a good bet.  Do not listen to anything shouty or any drum and bass (its annoying even when you are sober).  Don’t listen to any blues or jazz either – their themes are melancholy and will make you depressed.  Avoid opera as well – too many good people die in them and they will make you depressed.  Light classical music without vocals is recommended.  Vocals are annoying: you are still not ready to deal with other humans and the sound of voices will grate on you.

When you are ready to engage your eyes with moving pictures watch something to raise the pulse and make you feel good.  Do not watch art movies, romantic flicks or anything by a female director.  They will make you depressed.  A Sean Connery era Bond movie is always a good bet while Bruce Lee kills bad people with style.

Go then.  Drink and be merry today.  And do it again tomorrow!  Merry Christmas!

Getting Lucky in Your Pyjamas

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Most major Western cities have their share of martini lore – and bars that celebrate it.  Whenever I’m in San Francisco I like to kick off the visit with a drink at the Top of the Mark.  Perched on the 19th floor of the Mark Hopkins Intercontinental, itself situated at the crest of Nob Hill, the Top of the Mark affords spectacular views of San Francisco and the Golden Gate Bridge.  Since it opened in 1939 the bar has been the go to destination in San Francisco – from servicemen departing to serve in WW2 (they would leave a bottle behind the bar for others in their squadron to enjoy) to John Barrymore who brought his pet monkey up to show him the view.

During WW2 and the Korean War men raised a toast to the Golden Gate Bridge from the Top of the Mark before heading out to war. It was said to bring good luck and ensure a safe return. Sadly, many of these young men never came back.

There is usually a band playing here, which together with the 100 martini menu makes for a glam, nostalgia themed evening out.  On a Sunday night however, the crowd is distinctly bridge and tunnel, the band is quiet and the service slow. The martinis (we stayed with the familiar Grey Goose with a twist) were fine and the views spectacular. However, the experience was not special enough to warrant another round.

The spectacular view from the Top of the Mark

The evening was saved by a chance run in with one of San Francisco’s many strange people.  This one was wearing mis-matched pyjamas and sneakers – his going out clothes for a drink at the Top of the Mark.  Mysteriously he claimed he was of Mediterranean origin and wanted us to guess his nationality.  Once he revealed he was Israeli one of our number immediately struck up a conversation in Hebrew – only to find out that pyjama man only spoke American English and was most likely from some god forsaken town in the Mid West.  His cover blown, pyjama man stalked off  - to be pursued by Long Tall Sally who found him a quirky and interesting liar.  They were sharing cigarettes and exchanging phone numbers when we left.  Hugh Hefner proved that you can get lucky in your sleepwear…

The other classic martini bar in San Francisco is the Clock Bar at the St Francis Hotel, right off Union Square.  One of the oldest hotels in San Francisco the St Francis was built by the family of Charles Crocker, one of the big four railway barons, in 1904.  Crocker’s vision was to make San Francisco “the Paris of the West”. To his credit, San Francisco remains to this day the most European of American cities.

The St Francis was the first hotel in the US to have a “master clock”, a highly accurate clock which drove and regulated numerous “slave clocks”.  The Clock Bar in its current stylish art deco garb pays homage to the clock theme with a grand electronic clock centrepiece. The drinks list is inventive, if bordering on the odd.  The Clock Bar is a supporter of the “farm to glass” movement, bringing fresh local ingredients into the making of your cocktail. Alcohol was traditionally used as a preservative so I’m not sure the freshness of the ingredients really matter.  In fact with most alcoholic drinks, older spirits are treasured for their mellowness.  Still, I am sure the farm to glass movement deserves its own quirky “fresh” niche. We drinkers espouse a broad church.

The glam interior of the Clock Bar

Some claim the martini  was invented in San Francisco at the Occidental Hotel.  The drink was apparently served to those who frequented the hotel before embarking on a ferry to the nearby town of Martinez.  The Occidental Hotel was destroyed in the earthquake and fire of 1906.  The St Francis Hotel can legitimately claim to have been around at the birth of the martini – and it does.  The menu proudly credits “a bartender at the St Francis with the olive garnish.  This was first know as the St Francis Cocktail”. While there are many establishments which profess to have invented the martini (the Knickerbocker Hotel in New York being the lead contender, aside from the Occidental) none that I know of lay claim to having dropped the first olive in a drink. I guess the St Francis Hotel’s claim goes uncontested…Hurray!

I tried the St Francis cocktail (Beefeater gin, vermouth, orange bitters, stirred and served up with olives).  It was a pleasant drink, the orange more present on the nose than on the palate, with mild citrusy afternotes.  The olive, the garnish the bar is most proud of, is a mistake in this drink. Its pungency completely overwhelmed the cocktail which tasted much better after I removed it.  My drinking companion, the Basketball Blonde had one of the more creative concoctions from the drinks menu.  It was pleasant enough, although I am not sure it was worth all that farm to glass malarkey. She liked it enough to order a second.  I kept her company and ordered a Grey Goose martini, up with a twist.  Why mess with a good thing?

Go to the Top of the Mark on a weeknight when the band is playing and the sky is clear.  Wander the streets of the Mission District for interesting dives and look for classy cocktail joints like the Clock Bar near Union Square and by the Embarcadero.  San Francisco is a small but perfectly formed little city.

Obsessives and Hooters

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The left coast of America is a mass of contradictions. On the one hand it’s the home of laid back, drugged out hippy cool. On the other it is home to the largest collection of insecure, obsessive compulsives. These folks happen upon ordinary pursuits such as drinking coffee or having a beer and obsess about them to the point of creating new industries. Witness the birth of the premium coffee market and microbreweries – both with origins on the left coast.  While the rest of us get bored learning about which sub species of possum excreted the coffee bean in our cup of Java, we are generally grateful to the OCDs for driving up quality.

The OCDs have recently discovered hard alcohol.  I counted some 17 micro distilleries within spitting distance of the Bay area – making various gins and vodkas.  Thanks to the company of friends who are well knows lushes, I was able to sample a broad swathe of them on a recent visit to San Francisco.

I discovered Hangar 1 vodka suitably enough at an aviation industry cocktail party.  We were waited on at this aviation themed event by attractive young ladies in gentlemen’s fantasy airline hostess wear (Hooter’s Air did actually take to the air with hot looking skimpily clad air hostesses. That was about the extent of their business plan however, and they couldn’t keep it up). Hangar 1 is made by St George Spirits in a hangar at the former Alameda Naval Station across the bay from San Francisco. Its partly made with pot stilled voignier grapes (flown to the distillery in the Hangar 1 blimp – a neat party trick) with a creamy texture and round full feel in the mouth.  Its a nicely balanced vodka that is very, very good. It’s available from specialist retailers in the US and at Majestic Wines in the UK.

Hooter's Air had the hostesses with the mostest

My next vodka tasting was over dinner at Aziza the lovely Michelin-starred Moroccan fusion restaurant, in the company of Long Tall Sally, the squaw, mini me and other good friends.  We had Sub Rosa and Tru, both locally produced flavoured vodkas. The Sub Rosa vodka we tried was saffron flavoured, with a gentle golden hue and very complex flavours (as complex as a gin they claim, with 8 spices).  This drink has big flavours with loads of savoury, spicy notes include lemon, coriander, ginger and of course, a mild saffron aftertaste.  We also tried the lemon flavoured vodka from Tru;   clean flavours, all organic, perfect in a G&T.  Tru is a politically correct brand, brewed by a collective, whatever that is.  They publish all kinds of carbon footprint data on their label. I know women who like diamonds and I am personally fond of dripping carbon off the end of a decent Cohiba – otherwise I don’t know much about why anyone finds carbon so interesting. I was too drunk to read all they had to say about their carbon footprint, but I’m sure it makes them happy. It was a decent spirit however and I guess it’s drunk by the smugly politically correct, Prius driving classes looking for an alternative to their ethically grown, organic, fair trade Sauvignon Blanc.   In the UK we call these people Liberal Democrats.  I believe they are called Pinkos in the USA.  Regardless of which side of the Atlantic you are on, they are an instantly recognisable species.  As a rule they wear sandals, sometimes with white athletic socks. Their men tend to beards, their women don’t shave their legs and both sexes are predisposed to hugging trees.

Drink a bottle and they'll plant a tree...

The next tasting was at Rye, a very cool bar in the Tenderloin district with M, who is neither Lib Dem nor Pinko.  M was partial to absinthe and insisted I taste the wares of the St George distillery, the same guys who make Hangar 1 vodka.  These guys leapt into the market as soon as absinthe was legalised in the US some years back. Their absinthe is a fine spirit best drunk with a splash of water. It is too fine to be drunk using the Bohemian technique (see Absinthe and Star Fucking, Nov 28), although as a guy I find setting light to flammable liquids while drunk to be quite entertaining.

The house of St George also makes gins. Their trio includes a dry rye gin, the Terroir and the Botanivore.  The dry rye is probably the only one of its kind in the world – I have yet to come across another pot distilled 100% rye based gin.  The botanicals in this gin have been selected to enhance the juniper flavours.  Its a nice, clean drink with a  sophisticated palate – a gin for whisky lovers.  The last two are not flavoured gins, but have very distinct botanicals (think of Bombay Sapphire for example v a clean London dry gin such as a Tanqueray).  The Botanivore has eighteen botanicals with a soft flavour.  One can taste the spices but they remain in the background with the characteristic juniper flavour remaining front and centre.  The Terroir was my favourite, a complex gin with douglas fir from Mt Tam, coastal sage, California bay laurel and who knows what else.  This was like no other gin I have tasted, best drunk extremely dry.  Forget the garnish.

Of the spirits sampled I would add Hangar 1 vodka to my list of permitted alternatives to the standard Grey Goose martini – it is that good.  Terroir I would keep in my liquor cabinet too. It is that interesting.

Once you are done drinking in San Fran it’s fun to visit the Occupy San Francisco camp by the Embarcadero for a post prandial stroll. There are more stoners here than at all other Occupy camps combined.  Inhale gently and you can go to bed relaxed.

The Finest Hotel Bars in London

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London has an enviable collection of cocktail bars.  It also has a rather unique collection of atmospheric hotel bars in its classic big city hotels.  The quintessential martini bar is of course at the Savoy Hotel; the American Bar here  is one of the original bars to introduce the American concept of the cocktail to Britain.  The cocktail, invented sometime in the early part of the 19th century was a term used to describe an alcoholic concoction of spirits,  sugar, water and bitters.  During the Prohibition Era cocktails became a palatable way to disguise the poor quality of ersatz bootleg spirits.  They still make excellent cocktails at the American Bar and the resident jazz pianist adds a Golden Age quality to the experience. However, I prefer the newer Beaufort Bar at the Savoy for a more sophisticated drinking experience (see the Tale of Two Bars, 21 Nov).

The Fabulous Rivoli Bar at the Ritz

The classic Golden Age bar however has to be the Rivoli Bar at the Ritz with its original over the top art deco fixtures, gilt trimmings, rare wood veneers  and leopard skin chairs. It’s compact dimensions and dress code adds to a discreet air of exclusivity. The said dress code (jackets and ties for men, no jeans or sneakers on women) is a mild annoyance but does have the benefit of keeping the tourists out.  The martinis here are excellent, although I do find their classic champagne cocktails to be amongst the best I’ve ever had.

Over at the Connaught Hotel seek out the Connaught Bar which has taken the hotel martini to an art form. This is probably the finest martini one can find in a major hotel bar.  The experience starts with a classic cocktail cart (a la the Dukes Hotel, see Sacred Spirits, Nov 19). A selection of home made bitters is the party piece here – excellent aromatics with classic flavours of lavender, coriander, cinnamon and the like.  The aromatics work best in a gin martini where the bitters bring out the subtle complexities of the botanicals in the gin.  My last visit here was with my secret agent friend who had an unfortunate incident with gin in his youth, making him incapable of enjoying its flavours.  We drank vodka martinis.  The bitters still work with vodka – lavender aromatics making the best combination.

For old school drinkers who pine for a fine Cubano to go with their cocktail the Garden Room at the  Lanesborough Hotel is the best bet.  Here you have a rather masculine subterranean lair, with three walls nominally open to the elements to meet the requirements of the Health and Safety Nazis. Within its cosy confines one may enjoy a cigar from the Lanesborough’s ample cigar vaults, although the hotel has no objection to customer’s bringing their own.  For those who find Castro too detestable (and who doesn’t) they have a unique collection of pre Castro smokes – at a price.  To be fair, Castro’s predecessor Batista was pretty detestable himself.  He too was a son of a bitch, but as they say, he was our son of a bitch.  More to the point, it is not clear whether Batista made superior cigars.  However, one hears that pre Castro era cigars may still be imported into the US without hassle from custom’s agents.  A dictator is a dictator, but a cigar is a good smoke.

Jewel of Russia is the vodka of choice at the Lanesborough – remarkably smooth in a classic  martini.  In fact this is one of the smoothest vodkas I’ve tasted. The bottles are hand painted  - one has a sneaking suspicion that the steep price of this vodka may have more to do with its packaging than the ingredients within.  It is highly rated however, and makes a fine companion to a smooth drawing cigar.

These are some of the finest traditional hotels in London.  Their bars are truly world class.  Their martinis sublime.  Drink then. To life! L’chaim!