Stirring Stories

The Post Brexit Hangover

Brexit - The Last of the Bollinger

Brexit – The Last of the Bollinger

The problem with democracy is that some people who have the right to vote are idiots. The U.K. feels like a place where everyone has woken up after a hangover and can’t quite believe what they’ve done. In case you were on another planet you would know that Britain has voted to leave the European Union.

Apparently the people who voted to leave are mostly the poor and the elderly. I don’t understand either groups’ motivations. The poor worry about globalization; apparently it causes the rich to get richer and the poor to get children.  They also worry about unskilled immigrants who don’t speak English coming over from Eastern Europe and taking their jobs. If someone who doesn’t speak your language, has no skills, and doesn’t know anyone in your country can actually take your job – you may have to accept that you are pretty shit at what you do.

The elderly will mostly be dead when the UK finally leaves the EU. I guess they get some perverse satisfaction from having screwed their grandchildren over; the young ones will no longer have the right to live and work in 27 countries. I have invented a cocktail in honour of the elderly “leave” voters. It’s called Honey I Screwed the Kids. It started off as a riff on another cocktail called the Slow Comfortable Screw Up Against a Wall; but I suspect the elderly are too old to remember that…

Everyone I know is pissed off about the results of the referendum. But who do we take it out on? It’s not really political correct to beat up on the poor and elderly. Fortunately, into the breach stepped Donald Trump who arrived in Scotland and declared his delight at the vote, “they took their country back, just like we will take America back.”  There was a robust response on Twitter,  “Scotland voted to stay in, you weapon’s grade moron!”  The British then unleashed the full extent of their linguistic dexterity on the Donald. He was in turns called a:

Bloviating Flesh Bag
Witless Spoon
Toupéd F**cktrumpet
Gobshite
Eejit
Clueless Numpty
Mangled Apricot Hellbeast

As insults go they are in a class by themselves; the best the Clinton camp could come up with was “Poor Donald”.

The Brits never do what is expected of them. That’s the only way a small island in the North Sea could ever have had the global impact it’s had. It has a long and schizophrenic relationship with Europe. For much of the past 500 years it has allied with one set of Europeans to fight another set of Europeans. They are the ultimate shit stirrers. They will always be engaged with Europe, because it just is too much fun to mess with the French and the Germans.

MartiniMandate.com hangover

Honey I Screwed the Kids – the Brexit cocktail

I really don’t know what else to say so I am going to have a drink.  Here’s what to drink to recover from a post Brexit funk.

Cocktail Recipe: Honey I Screwed the Kids

25ml vodka

25ml Scotch whisky

25ml fresh lemon juice

1/2 teaspoon of runny honey

1 teaspoon of egg whites

3 dashes of orange bitters

grated orange rind

This drink takes the basic elements of a screwdriver (vodka and citrus) and adds Scotch whiskey in honor of our “remain” brethren.  Mix all the ingredients in a shaker.  The egg white adds a nice creamy foam to the drink; break an egg and gently let some of the egg white drip into your shaker.  Shake well and garnish with grated orange rind.

2017-04-12T12:17:36+00:00 June 26th, 2016|