Investment Strategies for the Trump Era
The problem with democracy is that some people who are allowed to vote are idiots. As people digest the news from the US election here are some thoughts on investing your money during a Trump presidency.
Go long on Marijuana. If you are disappointed in the result of the election and you live in California or a bunch of other states that legalized dope, you can now stay stoned throughout the Trump presidency.
Go short on pollsters. What’s the point? They got it wrong with the UK election, the Brexit vote and the US election. Go back to reading fortune cookies.
Go long on building supplies and the construction sector. It’s going to take a lot to build that wall.
Go long on Martha Stewart’s new book “Making Your Prison Cell Feel Like Home” All of Hillary’s friends will be buying it for her this Christmas.
Go long on gold. Think of the all that gold that will be required for gold taps, picture frames and accessories in the White House, Camp David and Air Force One. I’ve heard rumours that all US embassies will be required to install gold taps in their men’s rooms to prepare for a POTUS visit.
Go long on tequila. Stock up on it now before the wall goes up. The English stocked up on Scotch Whiskey before the Scottish Independence referendum. Fortunately they didn’t need to. This time it’s for real.
Go long on well turned ankles. Melania is probably the hottest first lady since Jackie O. Donald’s hiring practices won’t change in the White House. Why hire anyone you wouldn’t want to…umm, you know.
Go short on hipsters and lumber sexuals. You don’t want to be spotted in a metropolitan area wearing a beard and checked flannel shirt in case you are mistaken for a Trump supporter.
If you woke up this morning and your head hurt, then you deserve to drink your way to a hangover. As a gift to the American people from Britain, this is a twist on that most famous British cocktail, the Gin & Tonic. We use tequila in honour of Donald’s favourite country and added a little kick, because you all feel like you were on the receiving end of one! It’s named The Wall, after Donald’s favourite Pink Floyd album.
Ingredients
One part Tequila
Two parts lemon soda (I use San Pellegrino Limonata)
Chilli bitters
Lemon wedges and a fresh chilli to garnish
Shake the tequila and a couple of generous dashes of bitters with ice, strain into a martini glass, and top up with chilled lemon soda. Squeeze a wedge of lemon into the drink and garnish with another wedge plus a fresh chilli.
Drink a pint of this and you’ll feel better. Remember we in Britain went through this “one person one vote, oh shit” exercise with Brexit a few months ago.
Relieved Britain no longer biggest f***k up of 2016
Cheers!
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We at Martini Mandate predicted a Trump victory this spring and started laying the groundwork for his first European tour. Click here for the full story.
