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I Promise I Won’t Write About the Election Again


The Trump election has been a victory for the chattering classes.  They go on in an endless orgy of left wing angst and blood-letting that makes one fearful of turning on the news, in case one loses the will to live.  Apparently there are students marching on Washington to protest democracy and to show their determination to “resist the Trump presidency”.  I am not sure what they are resisting (because not even the Donald knows what the Donald is going to do next),  but I guess college students must resist something.  I will resist the urge to tell them to get a job, in case I sound like a parent.

I voted for Hillary because she is a true member of the ruling class and understands noblesse oblige and that sort of thing.  Unlike her Asian political sisters she didn’t have to wait for her husband to be killed to inherit his political mantle; in fact she didn’t need his help at all.  Hillary is also exceeding well brought up and politely awaited her turn to rule, coronation gown at the ready.  I think of her as something of an American Prince Charles; they are both highly qualified people (although he does talk to his plants sometimes which I admit is worrying) who’ve done a lot of sitting around and waiting.  Prince Charles is pretty bitter because his mother refuses to die.  Hillary is pissed off because some poor white folk took away something that was rightfully hers.  In commiseration Martini Mandate has invented a special cocktail for her.  We call it the Deplorable.


The problem with Hillary is that she’s been around for so long that people refer to her as America’s first wife; she reminds most men of their first wives (although that may be a tad unfair to people’s exes). In honour of her ability to conveniently forget important bits of sleaze, the Deplorable cocktail has a dash of absinthe.  Absinthe drove Van Gogh to cut off his ear, which fits in well with Hillary’s “hear no evil” motif.  We used rye whisky, stirred with ice and drained into a cocktail glass which has been rinsed with absinthe.  The botanicals in the absinthe bring out pleasantly complex notes in the whiskey.  A dash of bitter adds bottom. The drink is best served by a midget wearing a hijab – a hidden server.

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